And the winner is....

At first, I thought I was going back to work after Shaun died a little too soon. It was hard to focus and even harder to be productive. But all along, I had a deadline that was hanging over my head. Several months prior, I had applied for a Young Investigator Award through the American Heart Association. The application entailed my entire manuscript or write up of my work for the past 2 years but I would ultimately be judged on how I could present that work at a meeting in Orlando and defend my work to my peers. The top 5 applications overall were chosen as finalists to present and defend their work. I was one of them. There have been many finalists from my lab and our research institute in the past, but never a winner. So the pressure was on to be prepared and do well. So I plodded through and little by little chipped away at my presentation. By the week before the conference and my talk, I was much more focused and determined to do the best job I could. Not just the best job considering my situation, but my best job period.
My talk was Sunday night and I was scheduled last of the 5 finalists. So I had to sit and listen to my competition. There was a lot of good work and varying presentation styles but I was growing more and more confident as each of them finished. When it was my turn, the first couple of slides were a little shaky with nerves but they settled down and I got through the talk pretty well. Then my time to shine, the question answer session....The judges were allowed to ask anything about the paper I submitted to them or what I presented and they asked 3 questions, all of which I was well prepared for. In fact, for one of them I had a slide already made up and at the end of my presentation to show them the answer to the question. It showed forethought and preparation and ultimately may have pushed the judges in my favor. Two days later, at a very nice ceremony and reception at Hard Rock Cafe, I was awarded the WINNER.
I know Shaun would have been proud of me for winning but more importantly, he would be happy I was able to persevere and keep moving on with my career and life. I know there will be many bumps in the road but Shaun helped give me the tools I need to handle anything life throws at me.

While in Orlando, I was able to really enjoy my time after my talk. Even though it was where Shaun, Bryce and I had had out last vacation, it wasn't a sad place for me. I love my memories from that vacation and it was nice to have those memories and him close to me while there. I also got to visit with Shaun's Uncle Glenn and Aunt Kathy. They live about an hour from Orlando and were nice enough to drive over to take me out to dinner. I still find it comforting to be with people who loved Shaun as much as I did to share old stories and laugh at old memories. So it was extra special that I got to spend time and stories with people of no blood tie to me, but who made me feel as much like family as their own.

So now I am back home. The award hangs above my desk at work and my memories of a great week permanently etched in my head.

PS
For the readers of the blog, the style might change a little as I write more about me than before. I prefer to write about Bryce but I'll share important things in my life too. Hopefully the posts don't get too sappy ;)

4 weeks

Four weeks ago today, Shaun passed away. Is that a long time or a short one? I don't have an answer, time has been an enigma for me lately. I spend hours staring at my computer screen at work wishing the day to move faster but the more time that goes by, the longer its been since I last saw, touched, kissed Shaun. I guess I'll just have to keep working on living in the moment....take the good with the bad and keep on living. Bryce and I are adjusting to quiet nights by ourselves in our house. Maybe because of all the visitors, Bryce often asks who will be at our house when we arrive. Deep down I think he is asking if his Daddy will be there, or at least I hope so. With fewer and fewer unprompted mentions of Daddy by Bryce, I fear he will forget.

But I don't want this blog update to be terribly depressing, we really are doing fine. Just as Shaun would have wanted, we continue to live, laugh and love. We went trick or treating for Halloween and had a great time. Bryce made a very cute Easter Bunny and liked telling everyone we passed, Happy Halloween! I love how curious he is and has no fear of walking up to strangers to ask them questions. Ok maybe I should be a little worried about the stranger danger stuff, but so far its all been safe. I can tell he will be very logical, just like his dad. He applies my reasoning for certain situations to unrelated events, connecting scenarios and complex stories beyond my wildest imagination. He really is amazing.

I want to conclude this entry with my heartfelt thanks to everyone who participated in Shaun's Celebration of Life. I think some beautiful sentiments about who he was, how he touched people's lives and his amazing spirit were shared. Amy did an amazing job with the slide show and I will treasure the video, always. Thank you to Bill and Sue for planning the event and to everyone who was able to make it. Letters to Bryce are still coming in so I will move the deadline for submissions to closer to Christmas. I think it will be a nice addition to what Shaun left for Bryce to tell the important stories of who his dad was, and how others felt about him.